I’ve already talked about resolutions and thought about my particular goals and priorities for this new calendar year. But I’ve been intrigued by seeing people who choose a word that they want to embrace for the new year. I couldn’t decide a word, but I did finally figure out the theme that runs through my various goals and aspirations for 2013.
I want to live deliberately.
I don’t have the luxury of running off into the woods to contemplate only the bare necessities of a solitary human life, and I’m all right with that. What I want to do—what I need to do—is develop the discipline to live my life deliberately.
Currently, I procrastinate. I don’t use my time effectively. I suffer from anxiety, especially on Sunday afternoons and Monday mornings. I’m perpetually behind on grading and lesson planning, but even so, don’t find the time to enjoy leisure reading or working out. Somehow I’m at school until 4:30 but never manage to be on top of my game. It’s inexcusable, really, and it’s doing a disservice to myself and my kids.
I need to be more deliberate, more intentional, about how I use my time. My lesson planning needs to be sharper. My grading needs to be more efficient and more thoughtful. Even my Tumblr-ing needs to be more deliberate—I need to be posting more quality and less quantity.
I am careful with my money but I am not truly deliberate about my budget, either—I just know how much I have, pay my bills, then just spend my way through the extra $100 or $200 without thinking a whole lot about it. It’s ridiculous.
Although I make an effort to cook healthy food—a pretty successful effort most of the time—I’ve still gained weight over the last year. While I don’t care much about weight specifically, I do care about the feeling out of shape and feeling out of control of my body. It comes from not exercising discipline when it comes to eating out, and from not having the discipline to challenge myself physically like I was last spring. Currently my exercise ambitions are being postponed by a vicious cold and a sadly re-surfacing foot problem, but I do want to be making a more deliberate approach to my diet specifically and my body generally.
This lack of discipline I have is, in my view, one of my biggest short-comings. I have many flaws, but I embrace most of them as integral parts of my identity. This one is different. It’s something I have deplored about myself since high school at least, and it’s something that I have complete control over. My laziness of mind prevents me from reaching my full intellectual and physical potential.
And I’m just done with it.
I’m tired of spending every year thinking, “We’ll, this is just not my year. Maybe next year I’ll pull my life together.”
Disciplining myself and taking a deliberate approach to my responsibilities and interests will, I hope, help make 2013 my year.